Over the last few months, maybe even longer, I have convinced myself that I have issues with writing. The reason being I have been wrangling with the following question: Why Am I Not Writing Consistently?
I have been creating many issues about writing, which are simply excuses to not sit down and just write. My main scapegoat is PROCRASTINATION.
So in classic ‘Veronica Style’ I would read every and any blog that mentioned this ‘troublesome’ word.
I even heartily reveled in my ‘apparent’ procrastination, after all this is what I do. Then after reading loads of blogs, I mean lots! I learnt that I am not treating my work with any form of respect and wasting time. For example, when I mention my blog to anyone I add,’ It’s not that good!’ So if it was not that good why would anyone waste his or her precious time to even look at it!
I had to get hard on myself and ask ‘Is this what you really want to do?’ ANSWER: ‘Yes!’ Especially as I am easily motivated and almost everything inspires me.
There is no doubt in my mind that I love to be creative with words, yet there was still this problem of not writing. Everything else came first.
When I have an idea that I should be developing and jotting down, all of a sudden my ironing is priority, my grandmother gets several visits from me in a week and I am more obsessive about my Spanish listening exercises.
I decided to look within and weed out my incompatibility with writing, as something was amiss. Here are my findings of why I was not applying the basic ‘gutso’ skills required to take my own writing seriously.
1] Fear – Fear of not producing good quality writing
2] Believe – My limited self-belief interferes with the completion of any work
3] Patience – Lack patience therefore rushing through editing/proof-reading
4] Discipline – Not setting myself a set routine to write/blog
5] ‘Show/Tell’- Still working on this concept
In my 1st year at University, I began learning writing techniques and this really stifled my writing voice. I felt bogged down by all the technical stuff I had to consider whilst writing. However now when I do actually write I take pleasure in doing long exhaustive writing. My writing voice may not be exceptional to some but it has to be right for me.
In conclusion, when I get over my FEAR and start to BELIEVE in my work I will not feel as anxious as I do to publish posts. With PATIENCE I can take the valuable time needed to edit/redraft where appropriate, lastly I need to DISCIPLINE myself by committing to a regular writing routine.
Unlike the rest on my Incompatibility List, which are ‘easy-peasy’, with ‘SHOW & TELL’ I face a challenge but who said writing was a stroll in the park?
I am doing it…starting my blog!
I have been enduring an internal conflict with my alter ego TACORI for the longest time to blog or not to blog?
So tempted to use the name TACORI just for the exotic-ness but that would mean she wins again so I have settled for V3ronica.
Tacori pops up as my guilt-ridden conscience whenever I boast to people that I am writer. I have glossed over my life untold times and the truth is I am just a person with a big dream who does actually write.
Tacori knows I am a dreamer and as I dwell for hours about ‘only’ being ‘aspiring’ writer – It would seem aspiring a lot of hot air is all I do!
There are millions of aspiring writers in this world and only a few hundred actually can claim accomplished careers.
I enjoy writing and love that I have a great creative force but honestly sometimes I cannot be asked or is it arsed?
I won’t pretend that I am ultra interesting but I am sure my journey to become a writer will be.
Anyway, Tacori, my inner bitch, shows up at the inciting moment during the day/week/month to rub it in that I have yet fallen beyond expectations. I am aware of her, in awe of her and totally irritated by her.
Why have an alter-ego? Maybe to not accept ownership for some of the BS I may post…who knows?
Tacori is an actual gem, a real go getter but she is only in my head! Admittedly, if I had followed her guidance I probably would be way up the status ladder now.
It is actually her who reckons that I could swing an “alright’ blog! V3ronica would rather be watching CSI Miami some sugary predictable sitcom.
I believe most people create an alto-ego to fill that gap in their lives of where they are and where they would love to be.
Tacori has very few of my personality traits and she is a non smoker.
I am just going to tell you quickly the purpose of this blog…its to obligate me to actually write and to journal my journey from mature student with a cigarette habit to a smoke free successful screenwriter.
I really want to see if dreams come true with hard work and determination like everyone claims.
This should be such a challenge because I don’t know anything about the film industry, just that it is hard. Do not know a thing about networking and the terminology associated with it but that’s why my challenge is going to be fun. I am determined!
I got the determination part down. I have a past history with determinate-ly convincing myself that being a writer is too competitive (Have I repeated myself?) and that there is no room for me. Blah! Blah! Blah!
Now I have to just do the hard work. I must have hard work somewhere in my genes as both my parents are very hardworking people.
I am proud of them both even though they provided me with an IKEA type of parenting (Flat-pack – one piece here/one piece there) they opened my world to various things. They encouraged me to be open-minded and aware. They taught me to go for whatever I wanted. I rebelled and did not go for what I really wanted and adhered to my raging hormones which led me in my teenage years to absolutely no where. It was at no where that I started to place limits on myself, which led me to where I am now in France starting my blog.
Okay…I was almost tempted to mislead you but I actually live in South London but I am in Paris at Euro Disney. Yeah, classy!
I was awake at five in the morning trying to resist the fag-urge whilst drafting the premiere of my blog. The thought of me in front of the hotel in my pyjama bottoms and coat, shoulders hunched with a cigarette between my lips paints not a pretty picture so I stayed put.
I always thought that by starting a blog I will have absolutely nothing to say but I do. I got loads. Just because I am ordinary doesn’t mean my voice does not count.
Hope you will join me on my journey…
TACORI’ SUMMARY : Notice the irrelevant content already…this journey should be a bumpy ride!