I must say that I am filled with absolute gratitude at having a job. My first full time employment since 2007…
Two Thousand and Seven…The year I was thrown into personal turmoil, although now I realise it indirectly offered me a life jacket. With redundancy looming I was forced to sell my house, which is a really weird feeling of loss. Being on the property ladder afforded you a sense of pride even if you wasn’t quite sure where the next month’s mortgage payment was coming from. Just knowing that you had secured a place on the property ladder meant that a lot. For instance, according to society’s ideals you are moving up a bit. Well that’s my families’ ideology anyway, as a homeowner I had their respect and I was doing me!
On a brighter note my house was in desperate need of decoration/renovation so I only lost a ‘house’ whereas some unfortunate families lost their ‘homes’. It must be worse to lose a ‘home’ with a lifetime worth of memories and personal investment. It must feel like a timeless abyss. An empty space where failure, helplessness and grief all mingle to concoct a shitty colour grey.
Anyway, I lost my job, house and more importantly a regular routine. The latter affected me the most as I would wake up every day with nothing to do, not much to look forward to and without the usual stimuli of social interaction. So sitting around watching YouTube all day felt like I had hit the ground at 100 mph and yes, was mortally wounded. The adjustments that I had to make forced me to make a decision about starting to take some control of my life and get off auto-pilot mode.
During a visit to the hairdresser and I noticed that the hairdresser seemed to really enjoy her work. I couldn’t help but be in awe of her, almost jealous. She loved what she was doing! She was smiling with pride. So I began to brainstorm: What do I love doing? Writing! Then I would counter-think it with: What would I write? How would I go about it?
This went on for a number of intensive YouTube days. I persisted with the question: Am I any good? The only way to find out was to take action.
First step, back to college!
Writing Project Progress: Still trying to maintain my daily quota which has now been reduced to 500 words.
I am extremely excited. The narrative is beginning to take shape and I actually do not have to consider/worry as much because the story is taking on a life of its own. The characters are grooving nicely into the hollow areas of the plot and filling them out very nicely.